Eve and Elle are at the stage where their physical fights have been more frequent. From pinching wars to biting contests. The bruises have been their battle scars after each dispute and melee. Eve (who is the oldest) has been proactive, and has been actually taking the initiative to strike first when she sees Elle’s vicious biting assaults. If you are constantly ringing the bell and going through this stage of fighting, maybe some of these pointers can help you prevent your next cage match:
Remain calm and assess the situation
Avoid reacting negatively with high emotions as it can further escalate the fight. Your children are already at such a heightened state of mind, they will need your calm demeanor to help them destress. Talk to both of your children, and figure out what triggered the fight, and validate both of their reasonings.
Physically Separate Them
As much as siblings fight, they do want to play with each other. But if they are unable to play safely and appropriately, then the natural consequence is to separate them completely, and they will have to play by themselves. This will keep both of them safe, and also give them the reminder that if they choose to be physical with each other, they will not get the chance to play together .
Acknowledge Their Feelings
You want both of your children to feel like they’re heard and validated. Even for the aggressor. These are the teachable moments where children will learn how to process their emotions, and learn hitting is not appropriate. Our natural instinct is to comfort the child that has been hit, but it is also important to acknowledge the feelings of the child that was the aggressor so they can learn how to find appropriate ways in managing their anger.
Encourage Positive Interactions
Disciplining our children is always important so they learn what’s wrong from right. But also taking the time to help them identify when they are playing nicely and respectfully will help them remember and recognize what appropriate playing looks like. Take the time to compliment and say “I love the way your playing with your sister.” It will make them feel good about themselves positively. If we are constantly highlighting the negative behaviors, that’s all they will see and will continue to display. Because that’s all they know.
Implementing some of these tips will create a more peaceful and cooperative environment for your children. It is also worth keeping in mind this is a normal developmental stage for your children as they are learning how to interact with their emotions. Hitting can naturally teach empathy, but we have to take those moments and intervene so our children can acknowledge that hitting hurts.